How to host Friendsgiving: the menu, the bring list and the timing
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Host Friendsgiving by setting the date three to four weeks out, cooking the turkey or main yourself and running a bring list for everything else, and planning about 1.5 lb of whole turkey per guest, 1 cup of each side, and 2 drinks in the first hour then 1 per hour. Most Friendsgivings run four to five hours on the weekend before or after Thanksgiving.
It is a potluck with a centrepiece, and the hard part is coordination rather than cooking: ten guests who each bring mashed potatoes is a real risk. Below is the checklist, the quantities, a budget, the bring list and a day-of timeline.
Week-by-week checklist
The weekend before Thanksgiving is the most popular date, because people travel for the holiday itself. Lock it early; your friends get invited to more than one.
- Four weeks out: pick the date, count your chairs and oven space, and decide how many people fit.
- Three and a half weeks out: send invitations with a bring list attached and ask for dietary needs in the reply.
- Three weeks out: order the turkey if buying fresh or heritage; supermarkets take orders well ahead of the holiday.
- Two weeks out: check the bring list for gaps and doubles, and assign the missing pieces by name.
- One week out: borrow chairs, serving dishes and a second roasting pan, and plan the oven schedule.
- Three to four days out: start thawing a frozen turkey in the fridge, about one day per 4-5 lb.
- The day before: set the table, make the cranberry sauce and desserts, chill drinks, and clear fridge space for guests' dishes.
The bring list: who brings what
A bring list is what separates a good Friendsgiving from a table of three mac and cheeses. The host covers the centrepiece and the things that need the oven at the last minute; guests bring dishes that travel well and need, at most, a reheat.
Assign by category rather than leaving it open: two sides, one salad, one bread, two desserts, drinks, ice. Ask anyone with a dietary need to bring a dish they can eat as a main.
- Host: turkey or main, gravy, and the oven schedule.
- Travel well: stuffing in a casserole dish, roasted vegetables, mac and cheese, green bean casserole.
- No oven needed: salads, cranberry sauce, bread and butter, cheese board.
- Desserts: pies (one per 8 guests), a cake, or something without gluten.
- Late arrivals or non-cooks: drinks, ice, and takeaway containers for leftovers.
Turkey, sides and drink quantities
Thanksgiving portions are larger than a normal dinner, and leftovers are part of the point. These amounts assume a full meal with appetizers kept light, 5-6 bites each, so nobody is full before the turkey.
| Item | Per guest | For 20 guests |
|---|---|---|
| Whole turkey (raw weight) | 1.5 lb | 30 lb, two 15 lb birds roast faster than one |
| Stuffing | 1 cup | 20 cups, about two 9x13 dishes |
| Mashed potatoes | 1 cup (about 0.5 lb raw potatoes) | 10 lb potatoes |
| Other sides and salad | 1/2-1 cup each | 3-4 dishes |
| Gravy | 1/3 cup | About 7 cups |
| Pie | 1 slice (8 per pie) | 3 pies |
| Drinks (wine, cider, soft drinks) | 5 (2 in the first hour, then 1 an hour for 3 hours) | 100 drinks, about 8-10 bottles of wine if half drink it |
| Plates, forks, napkins | 2 plates, 2 forks, 3 napkins | 40 plates, 40 forks, 60 napkins |
| Ice | About 1 lb (0.5 kg) | About 20 lb (10 kg) |
Rough budget
Because guests bring dishes, the host's spend is mostly the turkey, the drinks and the things that make a table work. Borrowing serving dishes and chairs keeps it down more than any shopping trick.
| Line item | 8-12 guests | 15-20 guests |
|---|---|---|
| Turkey or main | $30-$80 | $60-$150 |
| Gravy, appetizers and staples | $30-$60 | $50-$100 |
| Drinks the host supplies | $50-$120 | $100-$250 |
| Disposables, foil pans and containers | $20-$40 | $30-$60 |
| Table decor and candles | $20-$60 | $30-$100 |
Day-of timeline
Work backward from the time you want to sit down. The turkey needs to rest about 30-40 minutes after it leaves the oven, which is exactly the window guests' dishes need for reheating.
- 5 hours before dinner: turkey into the oven (roughly 13-15 minutes per lb for an unstuffed bird at 325F, checked with a thermometer).
- 2 hours before: guests start arriving; light appetizers and drinks out.
- 45 minutes before: turkey out to rest, guests' dishes into the oven to reheat.
- 15 minutes before: make the gravy from the drippings, carve, and call everyone to the table.
- After dinner: a break before pie, and leftovers packed into containers for anyone who wants them.
Common questions
When should you host Friendsgiving?
The weekend before Thanksgiving is most popular, because many guests travel for the holiday itself. Send invitations three to four weeks ahead to claim the date.
How much turkey do I need per person?
About 1.5 lb of whole turkey (raw weight) per guest, which leaves some leftovers. For 20 guests, two 15 lb turkeys cook faster and more evenly than one 30 lb bird.
What should the host provide at Friendsgiving?
The turkey or main, the gravy, the table setting and usually some drinks. Guests cover sides, salads, bread and desserts through a bring list.
How do you stop guests bringing the same dish?
Share a bring list with the invitation where guests claim a dish, and assign gaps by name two weeks out. Two sides, a salad, bread and two desserts for every 10 guests is a good spread.
How many pies for Friendsgiving?
One pie per eight guests, since a pie cuts into about eight slices. For 20 guests, plan three pies, ideally of different kinds.