How to plan a bridal shower the guest of honour will love
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Plan a bridal shower about eight weeks out: hold it two to three months before the wedding, invite only people who are invited to the wedding, send invitations four to six weeks ahead, and plan a three-hour brunch or lunch with 2 drinks per guest in the first hour and 1 after. Settle the guest list with the couple before you book anything.
Bridal showers sit close to the wedding, so they inherit some of its rules and some of its pressure. Below is who usually hosts, a checklist by week, how much to serve, a rough budget and a few activities that suit a mixed crowd of friends and family.
Who hosts and who is invited
The maid or matron of honour and the bridal party often host, sometimes with a family member. Several hosts sharing the cost is normal. The one firm rule is the guest list: everyone invited to the shower should also be invited to the wedding.
Ask the couple for the list rather than building it yourself, and check whether they want one combined shower or separate ones for family and friends. Separate showers are common when the families live in different cities.
More showers now include everyone, not only women. Ask what the guest of honour wants and word the invitation to match.
Week-by-week checklist
Work back from the wedding date. The shower should not land in the final month, when the couple are dealing with seating plans and final payments.
- Ten weeks out: agree hosts, budget split and a date two to three months before the wedding.
- Eight weeks out: get the guest list and registry from the couple, and book the venue.
- Seven weeks out: choose a theme that fits the wedding's style without copying it, and plan the menu style.
- Six weeks out: send invitations, or by four weeks at the latest, with the registry, an RSVP date and a dietary question.
- Four weeks out: order the cake or desserts, book any florist, and pick two or three activities.
- Two weeks out: give the venue or caterer final numbers, chase late replies, and buy prizes and favours.
- One week out: confirm every booking in writing, assign someone to log gifts, and make a short run sheet.
- On the day: set up early, seat the guest of honour where everyone can see the gifts, and keep the toasts to two or three.
Brunch and drink quantities
A late-morning brunch or an early lunch is the classic shower format. A mimosa or spritz bar is popular; plan the same number of non-alcoholic drinks alongside it, since a daytime crowd often drinks less than you expect.
| Item | Per guest | For 20 guests |
|---|---|---|
| Savory brunch dishes (quiche, sliders, salads) | 1 generous plate, or 8-10 bites | 160-200 bites, or 3-4 quiches plus two salads |
| Fruit and pastries | 1 cup fruit, 1-2 pastries | 20 cups fruit, 30-40 pastries |
| Cake or dessert | 1 slice | 20-24 slices |
| Drinks (mimosas, coffee, juice, water) | 4 (2 in the first hour, then 1 an hour) | 80 drinks, about 10 bottles of sparkling wine for half the guests |
| Plates | 2 | 40 plates |
| Glasses or cups | 3 | 60, counting coffee cups |
| Napkins | 3 | 60 napkins |
| Ice | About 1 lb (0.5 kg) | About 20 lb (10 kg) |
Rough budget
Bridal showers vary more than most parties, from a living-room brunch to a private room with a florist. Decide the tier before booking, and split the total among hosts before anyone puts down a deposit.
| Format | Guests | Rough total |
|---|---|---|
| Brunch at a host's home | 15-25 | $300-$800 |
| Tea room or restaurant private room | 15-30 | $800-$2,500 |
| Hired venue with catering and florals | 30-50 | $2,000-$5,000 |
Activities and the gift-opening
Gift opening is the centrepiece of a traditional shower and the part that drags. Seat the guest of honour at the front, have one person hand over gifts and another write down who gave what, and keep the pace up. For more than 30 guests, consider opening gifts privately afterward.
- How well do you know the couple: a short quiz with answers from the partner, recorded in advance.
- Recipe cards: guests bring or write a favourite recipe, collected into a binder for the couple.
- Date night jar: each guest writes a date idea on a card.
- A flower bar where guests build a small bouquet to take home, which doubles as the favour.
Common questions
When should a bridal shower be held?
Two to three months before the wedding. Avoid the final month, when the couple are busiest with the wedding itself.
Who hosts a bridal shower?
Usually the maid or matron of honour and the bridal party, sometimes joined by family. Hosts commonly split the cost between them.
Can you invite someone to the shower but not the wedding?
No. Everyone invited to a bridal shower should also be invited to the wedding; the exception is a shower thrown by co-workers for the office.
How long is a bridal shower?
Two to three hours. A brunch or lunch of about three hours leaves time to eat, run two activities and open gifts.
When do you send bridal shower invitations?
Four to six weeks before the shower, with the registry details and an RSVP date about two weeks out.